FALSE LOVE: How Spiritual Manipulators Steal Hearts

When Love is a Weapon

Not everyone who showers you with love has your best interests at heart…! Some use love as a tool of deception—to steal your loyalty, control your decisions, and even enslave you to them, to their agenda, and even to their movement (or church).

This is exactly what happened in 2 Samuel 15, where we read about Absalom, the son of King David. Absalom didn’t initially use military power to gain access to the throne of Israel. Instead, he stole the hearts of the people by manipulating them with false love and deceptive charm.

And here’s the shocking truth: Absalom’s strategy is still being used today—not just in ancient societies or palaces, but in churches and ministries, especially in the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR) movement and similar movements.

Let’s uncover Absalom’s tactics and how modern spiritual manipulators, particularly in the NAR, use false love to deceive people into following them instead of the true Christ.

How Absalom Stole the Hearts of Israel

Absalom’s story is a chilling example of how manipulation works. Instead of leading with integrity, he used calculated deceit to shift people’s loyalty away from his father, King David.

1. Absalom Created a Grand Image of Himself

“After this, Absalom got himself a chariot and horses, and fifty men to run before him.” (2 Samuel 15:1)

Absalom crafted an image of importance. Riding in a chariot with an entourage of fifty men, he created the illusion of power and leadership. He made himself look like someone who deserved admiration and authority.

2. He Positioned Himself Close to the People

“Absalom used to rise early and stand beside the way of the gate.” (2 Samuel 15:2)

Instead of waiting for power to come to him, he inserted himself into the lives of the people. He stood at the city gate, where Israelites came for judgment, making himself the first person they saw before they could reach King David.

3. He Played the Role of the People’s Advocate

“See, your claims are good and right, but there is no man designated by the king to hear you.” (2 Samuel 15:3)

Absalom planted doubt in the people’s minds, making it seem as if David didn’t care about them. He never openly attacked his father, but his words created a sense of discontent and division.

4. He Used False Humility & Affection

“Whenever a man came near to pay homage to him, he would put out his hand and take hold of him and kiss him.” (2 Samuel 15:5)

Instead of acting like royalty, Absalom acted like a friend. He embraced people, kissed them, and made them feel special. Over time, this false love blinded them to his true intentions.

5. The Final Result: A Stolen Kingdom

“So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.” (2 Samuel 15:6)

Because of this emotional manipulation, the people turned against David and followed Absalom—until his rebellion eventually led to his downfall and death (2 Samuel 18:9-15).

How the NAR Uses the Same Tactics Today

Absalom’s strategies are not limited to ancient Israel. Today, the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR) movement (and others like them) has become infamous for using the same manipulative techniques to gain control over believers.

1. Lovebombing – False Affection to Gain Control

One of the first tactics of a spiritual manipulator is to make people feel overwhelmingly loved. In the NAR, this looks like:

• Pastors, leaders, prophets, and apostles lavish attention and compliments on newcomers (and anyone else they think might be suitable to serve their cause).
• Making people feel like they’ve entered an elite, special movement.
• Giving them roles of influence quickly to make them feel important.
• Invite them to exclusive, high-profile events or meetings that are accessible by invitation only.
• A special effort is made to ensure that other senior leaders of the church or movement are specifically directed to meet with the individuals who are the intended target.
• Special prayer initiatives focused on the specific needs or requests of the targeted person/s.

But this isn’t real love—it’s a trap! Over time, this excessive affection turns into control, and questioning their leadership becomes unacceptable.

2. Undermining Biblical Leadership

Just as Absalom discredited David, NAR leaders subtly discredit biblical authority and the credibility of others who may not “have the preferred influence” on the targeted person. They:

• Claim that traditional churches are dead or ineffective.
• Suggest that other pastors lack the anointing.
• Teach that they alone receive direct revelations from God.
• Even go so far as to “warn” against those who previously left the church or movement due to concerns, portraying them as rebellious or even apostates.

By doing this, they make followers blindly depend on and follow them rather than on Scripture and sound doctrine/principles.

3. False Humility That Hides a Lust for Power

Many in the NAR appear to be humble servants, but their ministries:

• Demand absolute loyalty to their apostolic covering.
• React harshly to any form of questioning.
• Center around their personal revelations and prophecies rather than Scripture.

They may say, “I’m just following God’s voice,” but their actions reveal that they crave power and recognition.

4. Isolating & Controlling Their Followers

Once an NAR leader gains trust, they slowly cut off outside influences. They:

• Warn followers against questioning their teachings.
• Create an “us vs. them” mentality, where outsiders are seen as unspiritual.
• Insist that leaving their movement is rebelling against God.

This is how spiritual abuse thrives, and many well-meaning Christians fall into deception.

How to Protect Yourself from NAR Manipulation

Absalom’s tactics worked on an entire nation. But we don’t have to be deceived if we know what to watch for.

1. Test Everything Against Scripture

“Test everything; hold fast what is good.” (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

If a leader’s words contradict the Bible, no amount of charm should convince you otherwise.

2. Look for Biblical Leadership, Not Apostolic Control

“For there is one God, and one mediator BETWEEN God and men, the man Christ Jesus.” (1 Timothy 2:5)

If a leader requires more loyalty to themselves than to Christ, something is wrong. No one should insert themselves between you and God. That is only the place Christ Himself should be allowed to occupy…

3. Stay in a Biblically Sound Church

“If I delay, you may know how one ought to behave in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, a pillar and buttress of the truth.” (1 Timothy 3:15)

A healthy church will encourage you to grow in Christ, not in blind loyalty to a leader. The church is the pillar and foundation of truth, meaning a biblical church is essential for upholding sound doctrine.

Final Warning: Don’t Let Your Heart Be Stolen

Absalom’s deception led to war and death. The NAR’s false teachings lead to spiritual bondage and death in many ways.

Jesus, the Good Shepherd, doesn’t manipulate, flatter, or deceive. His love is real, and His truth (even when “uncomfortable”) sets us free.

Have you seen these tactics used in a church or ministry? Share your experience in the comments!