THE SILENT CRISIS: Justification of Sexual Sin In The Church

A Crisis in the Modern Church

In an age where ethical compromise has infiltrated even the most sacred institutions, the church is no longer immune to the slow erosion of biblical standards. One of the most overlooked yet increasingly common issues in Christian circles today is that of unmarried couples sharing a bed while insisting that no sexual activity is taking place. This practice, often defended with subjective arguments about personal conviction, a lack of Holy Spirit-induced guilt, and modern pragmatism, is a growing problem that needs urgent biblical scrutiny.

This article explores not only the sinfulness of such a practice but also the dangerous implications of church leadership endorsing it, using a real-life case study where a church’s failure to uphold truth led to the resignation of the pastor who confronted the matter.

Through a careful biblical and theological analysis, we will uncover why this issue is not merely a matter of opinion but a serious moral and spiritual crisis that demands biblical scrutiny.

A Growing Trend: Sin Becomes Culturally Acceptable

The argument that “as long as we do not have intercourse, we are not sinning” has become alarmingly common. Some churches and leaders, in their desire to appear gracious and non-judgmental, have adopted a passive stance or even openly defended this behavior.

The key justifications typically include:

• “We do not feel convicted by the Holy Spirit.”
• “The Bible does not explicitly prohibit sleeping in the same bed.”
• “It is not sexual immorality if no intercourse occurs.”
• “Who are you to judge us? If God had a problem with it, He would convict us.”

While these (ridiculous arguments) may sound persuasive on the surface, they fall apart when examined through the lens of scriptural authority, the principle of purity, and Christ’s call to holiness.

A Real-Life Case Study: When a Church Sides with Sin

In a previous charismatic church, a pastoral leader (the author of this article) was confronted with this very issue. A prominent unmarried couple in the congregation privately admitted to sharing a bed regularly while claiming that they had no sexual relations, using that as justification for their sinful practice. When the pastor confronted them in accordance with biblical standards, they resisted correction, arguing that they did not “feel convicted”, and that if the Holy Spirit had any issue with their practice, He would let them know (…well, maybe He did, but they didn’t like they manner He chose to use to “let them know…”).

Shockingly, instead of supporting biblical correction, the church elders and other pastors of the church sided with the couple, condemning this pastor’s actions. The closest they came to “pushing back” on this couple’s actions was to state that their conduct was “not advisable” and could lead them to “fall into” sexual sin. The leaders’ position was that as long as they did not have sexual intercourse, there was nothing inherently sinful about this behavior…!

This eventually led to the pastor’s (and his family’s) resignation, not because he had failed in his duty, but because the leadership refused to uphold biblical truth and ethics.

This is not an isolated case. Many churches today refuse to call out various kinds of compromise and moral ambiguity, choosing instead to embrace a “soft Christianity” that avoids uncomfortable or confrontational Scriptural truths. The result? A whole generation of Christians who lives by feelings and subjective personal conviction rather than the objective standard of God’s Word.

Why Is Sharing a Bed Before Marriage Sinful?

…and it’s a shame that this should even be a needful discussion…

1. Biblical Sexual Morality Goes Beyond Intercourse

The argument that “nothing physical happens” ignores the broader biblical definition of sexual immorality (Greek: porneia), which includes not only intercourse but any behavior that perverts God’s design for sexual purity.

Hebrews 13:4 - “MARRIAGE is honorable among all, and the BED undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

The term “bed” (koité) in Greek directly refers to the context of sexual relations. Thus, the marriage bed is only legitimate in the context of marriage. Any practice that mimics or prepares the ground for sexual relations outside of marriage falls under porneia (sexual immorality).

2. The Principle of Avoiding Temptation

1 Thessalonians 5:22 - “Abstain from all appearance of evil.”

1 Corinthians 6:18 - “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.”

Romans 13:14 - “Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”

Sleeping together in the same bed creates an environment ripe for temptation. Even if no sexual activity takes place initially, over time, boundaries blur, and the likelihood of sin increases. Jesus commanded us to flee from temptation, not see how close we can get without technically sinning.

3. The Impact on Christian Witness

2 Corinthians 6:3 - “We put no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry.”

Even if a couple remains physically abstinent, their testimony for the LORD Jesus Christ is compromised. The world and other believers perceive them as engaging in immoral conduct, damaging not only their own reputation but also that of the church and, more importantly, that of Christ! And as can be seen from many scriptural instances, God takes the profaning of His holy Name and reputation very seriously, and many have paid severely (even with their lives) for such reckless blunders… (1 Corinthians 10:8-10, 21-22; 11:27-30; Revelation 2:21-23).

4. The Misuse of “Conviction by the Holy Spirit”

The couple in the case study, argued that they did not feel convicted, and therefore, no one had the right (especially this pastor) to confront them. This argument is deeply flawed for several reasons:

God’s Word is the final authority, not subjective feelings or opinions. Jeremiah 17:9 warns: “The heart is deceitful above all things.”

The Holy Spirit uses the church to bring correction. In Matthew 18:15-17, the LORD Jesus commands that believers confront sin within the church (see also James 5:19-20.

A lack of conviction does not mean innocence. 1 Timothy 4:2 warns that consciences can become seared through repeated sin.

5. Addressing the Argument from 1 Kings 1:1-4

In the case study mentioned above, one of the pastors even put forward the following incident in David’s life as defense and justification for the leadership’s justification for siding with this couple who were sleeping together. This incident in David’s life is recorded as follows:

"Now King David was old, advanced in years; and they put covers on him, but he could not get warm. Therefore his servants said to him, ‘Let a young woman, a virgin, be sought for our lord the king, and let her stand before the king, and let her care for him; and let her lie in your bosom, that our lord the king may be warm.’ So they sought for a lovely young woman throughout all the territory of Israel, and found Abishag the Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The young woman was very lovely; and she cared for the king, and served him; but the king did not know her." (1 Kings 1:1-4, NKJV)

5.1 Was This Act Biblically Legitimate?

Yes, but not as a normative practice for all believers—it was a unique case in an ancient royal and medical context, not a moral or relational guideline.

• David was old and frail, suffering from poor blood circulation, and needed a nurse for warmth.
• This was a common medical practice in the ancient world, including Jewish and Greco-Roman traditions, where body heat therapy was used for treating the elderly.
• Abishag was not chosen as a romantic companion but as a caregiver.
• The passage explicitly states that ‘the king did not know her,’ emphasizing that no sexual relationship took place.

5.2 Does This Open the Door to Modern Christians to Argue for Unmarried Men and Women Sleeping Together?

Absolutely not. The context, intent, and necessity of David’s situation do not justify such behavior today.

• The Bible describes historical events without making them moral guidelines. This is a DESCRIPTIVE text, not a PRESCRIPTIVE text, meaning that the Bible only described the events without the intent of making what was done binding on or permissible to all believers at that time and in the future.
• This was a healthcare measure in a royal setting, not a romantic or cohabitation issue.
• New Testament principles call believers to flee temptation (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, Matthew 5:28, 1 Thessalonians 5:22).

Using this passage to justify unmarried couples sharing a bed is a gross misinterpretation and an attempt to twist Scripture and to justify abominable sin (2 Peter 3:16).

Why Was the Church Leadership Wrong?

The failure of the church leadership at this specific church represents a severe neglect of biblical responsibility and a siding against God and the holy parameters in His Word.

• Ezekiel 33:8 – Pastors and elders are “watchmen,” accountable for warning the flock about sin.
• 1 Timothy 5:20 – “Those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all.”
• James 3:1 – Leaders are held to higher accountability before God.

By siding with sin rather than calling for repentance, the church’s leadership:

1. Enabled disobedience and encouraged others to follow suit.
2. Betrayed their pastoral duty by refusing to protect their congregation from compromise.
3. Failed to uphold the honor of Christ and His Church.

A Call to Repentance and Righteousness

The issue of unmarried couples sharing a bed is not a gray area—it is a matter of holiness, integrity, and obedience. The church must rise above cultural trends and uphold God’s unchanging moral standard.

To those who have fallen into this practice: Repent sincerely and return to holiness. God’s grace is available, but grace is not an excuse for sin.

To church leaders: Stand firm. Compromise in this area leads to spiritual decay and the corruption of the body of Christ. Be watchmen who guard the flock, rather than enablers who let the wolves in.

To all believers: Commit to biblical purity, not cultural or practical convenience. May we seek to be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:15-16), living lives above reproach in a world of moral compromise.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Have you encountered similar arguments or situations in your church or Christian community? Let’s engage in a thoughtful, biblically grounded discussion. Feel free to share your insights, experiences, and scriptural perspectives in the comments or with fellow believers. Together, we can encourage one another toward greater holiness and obedience to God’s Word.